“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Can you answer the title question? So, how do you swim through a swamp? In a word: out. Before I talk more about swamps, let me relate a helpful story.
The Christian writer and speaker, Corrie ten Boom, once related an experience from her life. (This story can be found in, Guideposts, Classics: Corrie ten Boom on Forgiveness, from November 1972.) She was a survivor from the Nazi concentration camp at Ravensbrück, where her sister, Betsie, had died. In 1947, Corrie was giving a talk at a church in Munich, to spread the message about God’s forgiveness. After the talk a man approached her, and to her shock, she recognized him as one of the cruel guards at Ravensbrück.
The man didn’t remember her, but he told her he’d been a guard at the camp she had mentioned in her talk. He said he was glad to hear that God forgives and admitted he had become a Christian since the war. He extended his hand and asked Corrie to forgive him. She thought about Betsie, who had died in that cruel place, and thought she could not take his hand, and forgive him. Then she thought about Jesus words, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matt 6:15, NIV.) She had no choice. She must forgive.
Corrie related, “I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war, I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.”
Corrie did take the man’s hand, and told him that she forgave him with all her heart. She made peace with this man who had been so cruel before. Still, she said afterwards, she encountered other situations she found hard to forgive, despite this experience.
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9, NASB.)
Peacemaking begins with forgiveness. Sometimes we need to swim through a swamp of feelings to realize, as Christians, our forgiveness of someone who has hurt us deeply does not depend upon our feelings: forgiveness is an act of the will. We cannot take away God’s authority, but must leave judgement to God’s wisdom.
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19, NIV.)
In regard to swimming through swamps, it would be great to have a good map. Better still, a map and an expert guide. Now we’re getting somewhere!
We have both: the Word for a map, and God as our loving Guide. How does God give me the ability to forgive someone who has wronged me deeply? He changes my heart. The humility requisite to forgiving and making peace must come from a sincere heart, not just an outward expression. I must remember that I don’t deserve the forgiveness God has offered me through His Son, Jesus.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NASB.)
To hold a grudge against someone produces bitterness. Forgiveness releases us from the control of someone who has hurt us. When we hold on to a grudge, we give someone we don’t like power to affect our emotions, and just the thought of them can make our blood boil. Not good. Bitterness is like a weed that spreads into the heart and mind. There’s an anonymous saying, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other guy will die.”
I believe it helps to understand what forgiveness is not. It’s not a feeling. God can change your feelings if you submit them to Him. Forgiveness is not trusting the person who wronged you. The offender must demonstrate genuine change and repentance, and may never earn our trust.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation; that requires two people, and some people don’t care that they’ve hurt you. God gave Christians a ministry of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5:18), but to try to reconcile may, in some cases, be unsafe.
There are steps one can take, to help you move towards peacemaking, if that’s possible. Colin S. Smith, in his wonderful book, Momentum: Pursuing God’s Blessing Through the Beatitudes (c. 2016), lists seven tactics for peacemakers: (1) recognize there is a problem; (2) deal with conflict early; (3) practice restraint, especially with the tongue; (4) prepare for a long journey; (5) take a step toward peace; (6) aim at humility, not humiliation (a triumph of love, not power); (7) entrust the injustice you have suffered to God. (I Peter 2:19).
Forgiveness does not instantly heal. That takes time. Forgiveness is necessary to healing. But forgiveness does not mean we do not want justice, or forget, or excuse, or tolerate the offense. It is simply an act of the will in obedience to God, entrusting the consequences to Him. Maybe to approach the offender is not advisable. Tell God you forgive the offender and surrender the rest to Him. God will deal with the offender in His perfect will and timing.
He knows the deepest places of our hearts. To humble ourselves, and give up the feelings of hate, bitterness, and revenge, enables us to embrace peace, growth and abundant life, which God wants for those who love Him.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3, NIV.)
Selah